I can relate to so many things in this article, such as thinking that I was losing my memory, the isolation, losing my friends, letting go of myself, not knowing myself anymore, the loneliness, how he would say that he couldn’t sleep or work because he couldn’t stop thinking about me and that would make me feel guilty, and more. Three different stories from three different survivors and I can see myself in all three stories to a more or lesser degree. We all seem to share similar experiences. If you doubt it, please, read. You are not going crazy and you’re not alone.
“The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” ~ Anonymous
Sometimes, I can’t help but find myself asking the same question over and over again, “How did I get here?” It is a dangerous thing to do, if I am not in a certain emotional state. Today, it is one of those days when I shouldn’t be asking myself that question. However, the answers are flowing one after the other one and at an incredible speed.
I found an article that reflects exactly how I’m feeling these days. I am copying some points that express how I have been feeling all along my divorce case.
~ A narcissist will always have someone they accuse of ruining their life. It is invariably the same person the narcissist is trying to destroy.
I wanted to write last week. But I could not find the energy. It proved to be a very difficult week to me.
“You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.” ~ Eric Hoffer
I am tired of fear. I am tired of letting fear get the best of me. I am tired of fear clouding my judgment, my actions, my thoughts. I am tired of being afraid of what he could do next.
“Our strength grows out of our weaknesses.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
I have read blogs and articles by other Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) abuse survivors saying to prepare for court as if your life would depend on it because many times it actually is. And after my own experience, this is such a truthful statement, much more so when you’re dealing with custody and a child with disabilities.
“He who is not every day conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
I shouldn’t be surprised by now. But I think that’s the problem, right there. I don’t think about the father of my daughter at all. I just go about my day. I do what I need to do. I am rebuilding my life bit by bit. But then, he does something. Surprise, surprise! It is usually something unexpected, until I stop to really think about it and it is just a twist of something he has already done before, but with different elements. It feels the same, but it doesn’t. I am not sure if I’m making any sense.
“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” ~ Dalai Lama
The last couple of weeks have been very interesting and busy. So many things happened that I do not know where to start.