I’m back after two weeks of dealing with appointments for my daughter and meetings with my attorney because of the endless list of motions my husband keeps filing against me. And we’re also getting ready for arbitration. But let’s get to it, shall we?
I came across a video from Lisa A. Romano from Breakthrough Life Coach. If you still haven’t checked her YouTube channel, I highly recommend you do so. Lisa provides so many tools and incredible insight for NPD survivors.
In this video, Lisa shares 5 phrases you can use to disarm and confront the narcissist in your life when you get into a verbal altercation with him or her. What I like about these phrases is that they give you back control, at least over you, because we all should know there’s no controlling a narcissist. Actually, we cannot control anybody else but ourselves and how we react to what other people do to us. But with these phrases, I feel we can go like “Wahm!”
(Little side note, it always cracked me up that Batman and Robin wore their underwear above their pants and not inside.)
It feels empowering once you use them. And I am talking from experience. The first time I said to my husband “I’m sorry you feel that way,” oooh, the rage! How I dared throw it back at him, imply that it was him and not me? I will forever remember how good I felt about it. How I felt like I was finally starting to find myself again!
I was not aware of the other phrases until I came across this video. I have yet to use them. However, since I’m minimum contact with my husband, I am not sure if I am going to be able to use them. I might eventually. Because I’m sure he will create more situations where I may need to bring these ones out of my increasing arsenal.
The phrases are, as follows,
- I’m sorry you feel that way
- I can accept your faulty perception of me
- I have no right to control how you see me
- I guess I have to accept how you feel
- Your anger is not my responsibilty
The beauty of these phrases is that you’re sending a clear message to the narcissist that you are no longer willing to allow your fear of what he or she may think about you to control you. But I’m going to let Lisa do her job. You can watch the video right here on this page (scroll to the bottom) or on YouTube. I hope you can find them as helpful and useful as I do.