I wasn’t going to post another entry in my Tools for Healing series this soon. However, I am so much in love with this app that I had to share it with you. Why? Because when I feel like giving up, something easy to do in the midst of a custody battle with a narcissist, I just open it and check what I’ve been able to accomplish so far. And when struggling in life, it is very tempting to want to give up. On the other hand, the app looks really sleek, too! I owe this idea to the same NPD survivor who recommended Breakup Freedom to me. However, she’s using a different days-counter app for her own counting needs that are not covered by Breakup Freedom. I found Days Counter when checking for what was out there. I do not know if they offer it for Apple phones as I only have an Android one.

There’s a paid option available that will remove the ads. I have not paid for that one, yet. But I’m seriously considering it as I do really love this application.

I read some reviews saying that people have lost their entries when the application got updated in the past. I hope they fix this. Apart from that, I don’t see any disadvantages or things that need to be improved so far.

The concept is very simple. It just counts days for future and past events. And once a future event becomes a past event, it is automatically displayed under the past events tab along with whichever other events you may already have in there.

addevent All you need to do is provide the following:

  • Event name (required; limited to 30 characters)
  • Date (required; future or past; there’s a handy calendar feature you can use if you don’t feel like typing the date)
  • Description (optional)
  • Click the picture icon to add a background image, which is required to create an event, and you can then access the Background gallery, or your own picture galleries on your phone

Then select [ADD EVENT] and you’re all done!

By the way, if you are not the creative type, the application comes with about a dozen background images ready to be used. However, I like to use my own images. It makes it a lot more personal. It also offers a widget to add an important event or something you’re currently looking forward to on your screen. I don’t care for this widget. I think the font could be improved. Nonetheless, it can certainly be useful for those of you who struggle to stay No Contact or Minimal Contact or staying Grey Rock. You may want to add a widget on your screen for those, which would allow you to see it right away and maybe think twice about breaking No Contact or forgetting to stay Grey Rock.

You can use this app to track all sorts of things. Wedding coming up? Add it in there. You can’t remember your parents’ anniversary date? Add it in there! You want to remember when you started your first job? Then add it in there, as well!

At this time, I have the following events in there:

Future Events Past Events
Our next appearance at Family Court (*) When my daughter was born
A wedding coming up Going Grey Rock / No Conversations (*)
An event I want to take my daughter to Went back to Church (**)
The day when I would like to move out (*) Red Moting Lava (*)
When I left my country of origin
Became a U.S. Citizen
Joined a Gym (**)
Last workout (**)
Been Served (divorce papers) (*)
First Blog Post (**)
Started to use new phone (**)
Started new whitening toothpaste (**)
(*) Narc-related events
(**) NPD recovery and healing events

I don’t know if you have noticed a ‘Red Molting Lava’ entry up there in that table. You may be wondering what that is. Well, I’m half Italian and half Irish, which is kind of an explosive combination, isn’t it? Not for nothing there’s a saying out there that goes along the lines of “Irish Temper, Italian Attitude” and I’m afraid I’m the poster child for that saying. Therefore, what is it the farthest as possible from a Grey Rock? You got it! Red molting lava. Hence, my counter name for the last time I blew up at my husband after he had done another one of his narc things on me.

So there you have it! Pick whatever you’re struggling the most when dealing with the narc in your life and create a counter for that.

There’s a counter for that!

Not convinced, yet? Well, just a look at these pretty pictures and maybe you’ll reconsider.

dayscounter1 As I have said before, anything that helps you get over the narcissist in your life, anything that helps you with your recovery is worth a try. In fact, you need those small victories to keep you on track and gain back your sense of self-worth. Take a look at your accomplishments and be proud. If your narc says that you’re not good enough, come in Days Counter and create an entry that will remind you otherwise.
If you have been told time and time again that you cannot get anything done, that you’re a failure, get in the app and create an entry for one of the major accomplishments in your life, such as when you graduated from college, when you overcame a great difficulty, when you first did something your doctors said you would never do again but you did; things like those. Those are your victories and nobody can take those away from you. But sometimes, we need to be reminded, most especially after years of gaslight and memory eroding. dayscounter2.png
dayscounter3 If an app like Days Counter doesn’t do it for you, then start a memory board and pin photographs or quotes or phrases; anything that will help you. The road to recovery starts with you and there are a lot of tools out there at your disposal. You just need to give them a try.

futureevents.png

The road to recovery starts with you. You just need to take a leap of faith, start walking, and get out of the victim mentality.

Last note: When I say ‘get out of the victim mentality,’ I’m speaking from experience. I didn’t start to heal until I stopped looking at myself as a victim. It was not easy, but it was doable. And I don’t want to ever look at myself as a victim. I would like to think about myself as a survivor. And that’s another thing I could probably be counting on my Days Counter app: The day when my mind clicked and I said to myself “I’ll get out of this.” But there was not one particular day. It was a succession of small events that got me here today. I still have a long way to go. But it is taking small steps in combination with other steps that can help me to get going with my recovery and healing journey. We all have different times and our roads can be quite different. But we need to get moving or, otherwise, the narc still controls us. And while we are still under his or her control, there is no hope for us for happiness or growth. He or she will still control you, even without him or her knowing it. And seriously! Do you really want to give him or her that? I know I don’t and neither should you. Take that first step today. Don’t wait. He or she didn’t wait for you, did they? So what are you waiting for? Life is too short! If you don’t believe me, then look at children. I have a constant reminder of that when I look at my daughter. It seems like it was just yesterday that I held her for the first time in my arms at the hospital. Now she’s putting the Energizer Bunny to shame and, before I know it, she’ll be, I hope, planning her entire life and telling me that I’m lame or whichever buzz word might be out there when she reaches that age.

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